This topic came up a few times and it made me think, – and it is not because of a certain song that carries a similar title! –
I guess this was bound to happen, when you grow up and time passes and friends have went through few relationships. Just like it is bound to happen that you witness one or two make-up-and-break-up rounds and at worst, on-and-off-relationships, which, sadly, can be very common for certain people.
I have heard comments like this quite often and I think most people can relate to these heard words:
“The first break-up and it’s the breakup forever.”
Being considerate, I just opt not say anything and let people be, give people and relationships the benefit of doubt, because even when it turns out to be misplaced, there will be sadder things to deal with.
I almost believe that I have seen all kinds of turns such a relationship can take, because that’s how different – not saying crazy – the people around me are.
Break up, and it’s done.
Break up, make up, break no°2 and it’s done.
Break up, make up *million, and the hope that someday, it’s really done.
(And the relationship that makes you feel like you are watching an old married couple.)
But it is not relationships that are the focus here, neither is it the moving on that is the problem, but the letting go or rather the attempt of letting go.
See, that is, at least for me, a very interesting thing, because looking from a far point of view, it really is interesting. This kind of act is not solely reserved for relationships at all, at least not in that sense. It can be a fling, an affair, even just a crush, infatuation, attraction, even just a tension between two people, as silly as it sounds.
Relationships are not a factor.
It is the intensity that makes you… or breaks you.
I believe that the relationships without the breakups are actually the hardest to let go from. Perhaps there will be other opinions, they may be legitimate, but that one is as well. Since, in comparison to relationships, were there is an end, as symbolized by the break up, in a beautiful metaphor, and this breakup, depending on it, is a deliberate choice to end something for whatever reason. A reason that is legitimate enough that makes someone think of not pursuing it anymore.
So these almost-relationships are the worst.
These kind of relationships are different, they are not flings or affairs. It is more like the tension between two people, that can turn into beautiful sparks, like a relationship or just, the in-between step before you begin a relationship or a crush or a beautiful infatuation. These unspoken things, that were maybe started, but never really ended, because it never happened.
It is the possibility that is lethal.
It is for every kind of relationship, for every kind of people. Because possibilities do not die, they are just there.
They hang in the air, maybe they are not always seen, but they are there and once you have been reminded of the fact that they are there, you cannot ignore it for the moment, and they remind us of the thing that is not.
Maybe it is the letting of the possibility of what could have been that is hard, not even the person, for that person could just be the metaphor.
Another hardship along the way can be the pride, which is adamant, stubbornly adamant on refusing to accept that you have not completely let go of it. However, if not accepted, it cannot be dealt with, since you cannot deal and let go of something that is ‘nothing’.
The relationships, like between lovers, or when there is love involved, is different. They may deal with similar symptoms, but they are still different, since there are different factors involved, depending on the intensity of the past relationship. In general, I would say, if it was a serious one, not just a fifth grade boyfriend/girlfriend that is being dealt with, it gets complicated.
For me, when there is a relationship, it means that at some point, there must have been the will to tie your life with someone, because this is what it means to be with someone, to share your life with someone else, maybe even to the point of marriage for a few. Not something lightly. If this thing breaks, there will be disappointment and sadness, of a much different level. It is the kind of sadness in knowing that the person you were willing to share a part of your life with, would not anymore.
In comparison to others, I fear that in such kind of relationships, it is almost, more than others, impossible to let go of them. How can you let go of something that was and could have been a big part of your life, of the meaning the person has and can still hold for you?
I have also seen all kinds of weird post break-up scenes, and it is amusing as a bystander, or even as a friend, admittedly even crazy at times, but of course in the funny, adorable kind of way.
The most interesting as it gets is, maybe not surprisingly, when someone else is involved. This situation forces you to deal with it, because ignorance, as blissful as it is, is no longer an option.
From there, it follows a typical path of the post-relation-ship.
From self-doubting questions to outrage, to the question of worthiness from every side, your’s, his,’ her’s, its, whatever and back to hope and back to the beginning; the doubt whether is was the right decision. This post-relation-ship does have admittedly a very roller-coaster like path, only with more downs than ups.
These questions make a big point, and hence make a big difference between the almost- and was-relationship. In past relationships, you can at least say, we had been, which is more than what can be said for the other case.
Letting go means admitting defeat, accepting that there was something wrong, or at least something that was not right. It is something we hate to do, because frankly, who loves admitting the loss?