I guess this is going to be a rather personal post.

A lot has happened over the last summer, over this whole year in fact. There had been a lot of changes and turns, I am in a different space and maybe it is overwhelming, but so exciting as well and so many things I still have yet to wrap my head around. There had been a lot of changes evolving within myself as well and this is what this post is going to be about.

I have turned 20 this year, last month to be exact and in general, I am a person, who likes to think about the world and the light that falls through the leaves, who is happy when the sky above her is blue and loves noises of streets during the night, because it means that there is life out there. I am an introverted person, an INFP, but that is something different entirely. What I want to say is, I have done a lot of thinking.

This autumn I started my studies, a whole new chapter is going to open up and it is somewhere exciting. However, it also leads me to think about… well everything. The things that I have once loved to do suddenly becomes less the one thing I enjoy, I have found new aspects and perspectives in life and old ideas became new ideas.

I used to be someone, who – well I guess it is not far-fetched when I say that I had a inferiority-complex and there are chances I still do, but… well I guess I am growing up. Because that’s the thing. I have learnt to deal with the things I have in life, to accept them as they are, because there are things that just cannot be changed – what life has given you, but you can deal with it. If you are not happy, then you have the chance to change that and only you. The problems you have, they will not disappear just like that and there won’t be a fairy godmother, who shows up, wiggles with her magic wand and suddenly you have the happy ending you always wanted. This is part of growing up.

When I was young and insecure, I did not like who I was. I didn’t like my looks, my body and personality was lacking as well, that was how I looked at it. I was not happy, I was not content. Instead, I longed to be slim as a board and tall and just more… I don’t even know anymore what I wanted, because now it seems just so… trivial.

Does that sound sad? Maybe.

So it makes me even more happy to have put that behind me.

I have read this article, where it was stated that most women feel content with their body around their 30’s, when they are past their youth, and somewhere in-between they start to realize their beauty and start to love who they are and how they look like. So I could not help myself but think just how much of a shame it is.

Because right now, I love my body, I don’t have wrinkles or cellulite. There is no doubt that they will come, but still, so what, this is my body and I have to be the one, who loves it. Everyone else who may have a problem with that, is not my problem. It is as easy as that.

I am not thinking about what I wish for anymore, because I like myself. Sure, it would be great to be tall and slim, blonde or whatever, but that wouldn’t be me

I am curvy and petite 5′ 1/4″ tall, I am Asian, I should be grateful I at least am taller than my mother :P. I also remember when I complained about not being tall enough, not slim enough to my friends, who were all that and they would just look at me or my chest and say that I have no reason ever to complain, in comparison to them.

Looking back, I see myself as young, naive, inexperienced and insecure, like most of the teenagers are. I can say that, because I am older now, I have seen things, more mature and more rational, I have learnt of losses and gains, learned to appreciate, the meaning of time and the importance of love.

Because it is important to love yourself. It is the first step to the beauty you want to be and to achieve, because even when you complain that you are too fat, too slim, small or whatever, it would mean nothing when you do not start to accept and appreciate yourself. Instead I imagine that people would still be unsatisfied with themselves, even when they have gotten what they wanted.

Everyone is beautiful.

I have seen beautiful people – in real life – met gorgeous friends with incredible insecurities, people who don’t care about their looks and all kinds of others. Observing from the outside, I can say that all of my friends are beautiful. They all look different, different personalities and attitude and all in a very different kind, but in the end, I love them, and I love them, because I know who they are and that is what makes them all beautiful.

So when one of them claims to not like their looks at all, it surprises or rather shocks me, because these were thoughts that were far from my mind

It is the attitude that matters.

When you are happy with yourself and love you for who you are, I believe that it changes a lot and I believe that people can see when you are happy. There will always be people, who are beautiful, sometimes more, sometimes less than you, most of the times they can be the same person, so it does not matter. What is important is that you are at your own best and this would not happen until you start loving yourself and frankly, if you cannot love yourself, you, who knows yourself better than anyone, who can?

I believe everyone is capable of that, they just have to get there.

It is not easy, it takes time and efforts and a lot of patience. But I believe and hope that this will be a state anyone can reach, it is just a matter of time and I wish for this, because there is nothing more beautiful than to love yourself – as long as you don’t go down the Narcisse way, because we all know what happened to him. When you start loving yourself, it is amazing what can happen, because it is everything. Nothing changes much, at least from the outside, but you can still see it.

And there is nothing truly more beautiful than love, right?

It’s a brand new day

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