Meet the Unknown

Does that situation sound familiar? Sitting in a place of waiting, for your bus, train, someone, wasting time because whatever it is you are waiting for is just a matter of time.

Suddenly, there comes this person, whoever it may be, attractive, seemingly interesting or just someone, who seems to be nice. That someone can someone to talk to, because wasting time can be so much more fun when you do it together.

The question is, will you?

Well, from my experiences most people… do not.

That person sitting in front of you, even right or left, it does not matter, the fact that he or she could turn out to be a real good friend, a pal, and sometimes, it might even be that special one. But well, you will never know, because you are too scarred to try.

Is it the promise of something great that scares you? Nah probably not. After all, who is afraid to be great?

It is the risk we fear.

Because the only thing that is stronger than the promise of winning, is the risk of losing.

This is something that I have remarked today, five hours of train and different people in and from different places. They are all doing their own things, whether tipping on their laptops – with me making the perfect example -, doing their study works, working, reading, listening to music, there are so many varieties in the activity you can do on a train, it is actually remarkable when you think about it – and here people complain how boring it is. It just depends on how you intend to use it, like everything else in life.

But the one thing I have noticed, no one here is talking.

At least not personally, in a way that would exclude the new technologies of communication.

I can understand the people, who are shy or just… not too keen on striking conversation with some stranger and if they dislike that, that is fine by me, since it is their choice when they prefer to remain isolated.

However, I would like to encourage people to start talking, especially when they want to but rather instead lack of the courage to follow that instinct.

There is nothing more to share some words with a few stranger.

It may sound silly, but for me, for example, I get that feeling of connecting with someone, like two people, stranded in some place and well… connecting. Because for me – and maybe it is foolish of me – it is like two strings of fate meeting each other. You get to know something about that person, maybe you do not, you talk or just exchange of words of pleasantry or even about the weather. It can be anything trivial. It is not actually much about what you are talking, but the fact that you do.

Because no matter what happens, in that second there are two people interacting with each other and nothing will or can change that, because, like now, one second has passed down into the past, which is irreversible.

I have said topic does not really matter but it is even better when it is a real topic, it further increases that feeling of connection. The feeling that something pretty amazing has happened, so unlike the typical boring every day life. At least that is how I feel about this.

It is the whole aspect of fate meeting that you cannot help but will feel when it happens.

Secondly, it is less lonely, like I have said. It is pretty great to talk to someone instead of just standing or sitting around and wait until time passes. It is also more effective, this way it would not seem that long either and before you know it, time has already come and gone.

Furthermore, it may take me a lot of courage and I gotta admit, I actually spend time thinking about what I can say, but when it turns around into striking a conversation, I feel relieved, of course, but also very happy that I have grabbed the chance, whoever that person may be or is or was, to not let it get away.

I also feel proud.

Because I was able to get the nerves together and do something that is, unusual? Definitely something that not everyone dares to and further– and I don’t know whether I am too assumptious now – I hope or believe that the other is just as glad as me, feeling the same way that I do.

Because in the end, it is all about the courage to meet the unknown. 

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Joy of Giving

So I have been planning this surprise visit for a very special someone, whom I have not seen for a long time, at least far longer than I would have liked. I miss that person and I know that the feelings are mutual, so, when I was asked when I would come back, I did not reveal that I had already booked my tickets and am already just counting down the day until we can see each other again. I wanted to keep this a secret, because I wanted it to be a surprise.

So these last few days I have been wrecking my head over what kind of surprise, a master-plan unfolding in my hand. I have even gotten my own two little helpers a.k.a roomies, who I dragged let in on this whole thing. I have run almost every kind of scenario through my head, which one may be the most realistic/ realizable one, the sweetest kind of surprise, the one with the biggest wow-effect over to the silliest one that came up when I was too tired to remain sane, which is – as I might add –  a great feat considering I am through and through packed with learning for my studies.

Everyone around me is – as I assume – deadly-tired aware of my plans. So then, there came that one question.

“Why are you doing this? “

I have been asked whether this may not been too much, for just a few months apart. I have even heard from others commenting on how corny it is, so dramatic what I have planned, just for a reunion. If I was already planning such a big surprise plan thingy for a few months then what would I do if I spent a year away from that person?

But the thing is, it does not actually matter.

Maybe that is what some people do not understand.

It does not matter how long you have been apart.

The only thing that matters is how much that person means to you.

I am just doing all this, the whole planning, caring so much to make such a deal out of it, because … well I care.

I have so much fun planning all this and that, too, can be something that people fail to understand or realize. That one special day is a day I am looking forward to so much and so, I am not only doing this for someone else, but for myself as well. I want it to be something special, something grand, not humble or simple. It would be of an option, but I never took it into consideration. I want it to be big, since this time, it is not for me, but for someone, who is special to me and I want to show this.

For one, to show how much I care.

Secondly, because I know how the other person will appreciate it.

And lastly, connected to the previous point, because I love how much my caring will be appreciated.

It is not the distance that matters or time. In the end, they are irrelevant. The only things that count are how much you love that person you are doing this all for, as this would also give you joy, the joy of giving. I imagine that in the end – no matter what kind of surprise I choose – we will just be happy to see each other again, fall into each other’s arms and be happy to be in the other’s presence. For me, I can see a circle in this whole thing. Me, who cares for her/him – because if we speak in general terms, it doesn’t matter whether boy of girl, friend or boy-/girlfriend, just a person we love – and he/she, who cares for me and we both, who loves how the other cares and appreciate.

I don’t understand the people, who don’t understand why I am making such an effort, since there is no effort there for me. Just joy.

Old and New – New Years Eve

New Years Eve will be approaching soon, for both old and young ones, like me, there is one question that keeps bugging you – and you let yourself be bugged with – is the one question that has arisen, for some maybe, even months before it happens: Where will you spent your New Years Eve? How? With whom? Even when is a question of matter, as stupid as it sounds.

But it is fun, at least it can be, as it mostly is when it comes to preparation, because along with it comes the anticipation. People make such a big fuss about New Years Eve, with all the fireworks and celebrating, counting down the numbers until it hits the time of the year. The end and the new beginning. It is a nice thought, a lovely notion, however, yet I never quite considered myself as someone, who was a big fan of this loud celebrating of firing chemical reactions up into the sky – in my mind, it is too over the top and just too much of everything, for myself, who appreciated the quite times as these to reflect.

Yet, and I guess especially this year, I am anticipating it even more than before. Why?

It goes back to the one question.

What goes on on New Years Eve? The answer you give gives something definite, you make a choice. It is a statement that you give.

This year, I was given the impression that I can do anything, the world is at my feet, youth an ambrosia that renders you immortal and invincible of time, even when it is passing away too fast. The doors are open, it is the choice that is the hardest. So many possibilities, explore the world, do something creative or something worthwhile, something to be proud of, something to brag about or just… doing something. To live your life, or your dream, just laugh or party into the night, screaming at the top of a mountain or just diving in the cold water, even a trip to Denmark.
It made me reflect. I would have loved to spend my time there, to a different place, exotic and exciting and celebrating with different people from Europe, who share so many things. It sounded so brilliant and who would refuse at this wonderful idea? Is it not about the excitement of the 31st? Crazy wild partying? Funny for me, I never even took it into consideration.

I knew exactly how I was going to be spending this particular day of Old and New.

I was going to spend it with my best friend, surrounded by other friends of ours, loved ones and same old happiness. It is the same old faces, sometimes new ones but most of the times, it stays as it was. It was something that never changed. It is the same way that I have spent it last time and the time before and that time before, too, I guess.

Some people chose to spend it with their families, some might say they would like to go on a trip, some just try to get by, family, friends, boyfriends, people just to pass by, but in the end, those choices are their’s to make, depending on what is important to them. Surely, it would have been nice to do what I have heard of others tell me. It would be a lie to say that I would not wish to do the same as well, but in the end, I am happy with my choice and I would never trade it for anyone else.

I would rather spend the New Years Eve with someone who is dear to me rather than anywhere else. Me, who has begun studying more than six hours distance from the people, who used to give me the feeling of being loved, welcomed and just the feeling of home. For I may not spend my time doing things I could later on retell others who ask me where I have spent it, awe them by telling them of pretty colorful tales, I will not shoot lots of pictures of wondrous places I can always look at later and tell whoever might be interested, but I will have the chance to spend my New Years Eve doing the same as I have last year, just a little different and all the while knowing that this time will be kept in my heart and there to last, because I am spending it with someone I love.How my New Years Eve would look like - just more party and less food -

Because just one second of happiness is capable of turning a fleeting moment into a lasting memory and that is what makes it all the worthwhile.

Feel free to tell me how and with whom you celebrate that day with 🙂

 

The Beautiful Kind of Love

I guess this is going to be a rather personal post.

A lot has happened over the last summer, over this whole year in fact. There had been a lot of changes and turns, I am in a different space and maybe it is overwhelming, but so exciting as well and so many things I still have yet to wrap my head around. There had been a lot of changes evolving within myself as well and this is what this post is going to be about.

I have turned 20 this year, last month to be exact and in general, I am a person, who likes to think about the world and the light that falls through the leaves, who is happy when the sky above her is blue and loves noises of streets during the night, because it means that there is life out there. I am an introverted person, an INFP, but that is something different entirely. What I want to say is, I have done a lot of thinking.

This autumn I started my studies, a whole new chapter is going to open up and it is somewhere exciting. However, it also leads me to think about… well everything. The things that I have once loved to do suddenly becomes less the one thing I enjoy, I have found new aspects and perspectives in life and old ideas became new ideas.

I used to be someone, who – well I guess it is not far-fetched when I say that I had a inferiority-complex and there are chances I still do, but… well I guess I am growing up. Because that’s the thing. I have learnt to deal with the things I have in life, to accept them as they are, because there are things that just cannot be changed – what life has given you, but you can deal with it. If you are not happy, then you have the chance to change that and only you. The problems you have, they will not disappear just like that and there won’t be a fairy godmother, who shows up, wiggles with her magic wand and suddenly you have the happy ending you always wanted. This is part of growing up.

When I was young and insecure, I did not like who I was. I didn’t like my looks, my body and personality was lacking as well, that was how I looked at it. I was not happy, I was not content. Instead, I longed to be slim as a board and tall and just more… I don’t even know anymore what I wanted, because now it seems just so… trivial.

Does that sound sad? Maybe.

So it makes me even more happy to have put that behind me.

I have read this article, where it was stated that most women feel content with their body around their 30’s, when they are past their youth, and somewhere in-between they start to realize their beauty and start to love who they are and how they look like. So I could not help myself but think just how much of a shame it is.

Because right now, I love my body, I don’t have wrinkles or cellulite. There is no doubt that they will come, but still, so what, this is my body and I have to be the one, who loves it. Everyone else who may have a problem with that, is not my problem. It is as easy as that.

I am not thinking about what I wish for anymore, because I like myself. Sure, it would be great to be tall and slim, blonde or whatever, but that wouldn’t be me

I am curvy and petite 5′ 1/4″ tall, I am Asian, I should be grateful I at least am taller than my mother :P. I also remember when I complained about not being tall enough, not slim enough to my friends, who were all that and they would just look at me or my chest and say that I have no reason ever to complain, in comparison to them.

Looking back, I see myself as young, naive, inexperienced and insecure, like most of the teenagers are. I can say that, because I am older now, I have seen things, more mature and more rational, I have learnt of losses and gains, learned to appreciate, the meaning of time and the importance of love.

Because it is important to love yourself. It is the first step to the beauty you want to be and to achieve, because even when you complain that you are too fat, too slim, small or whatever, it would mean nothing when you do not start to accept and appreciate yourself. Instead I imagine that people would still be unsatisfied with themselves, even when they have gotten what they wanted.

Everyone is beautiful.

I have seen beautiful people – in real life – met gorgeous friends with incredible insecurities, people who don’t care about their looks and all kinds of others. Observing from the outside, I can say that all of my friends are beautiful. They all look different, different personalities and attitude and all in a very different kind, but in the end, I love them, and I love them, because I know who they are and that is what makes them all beautiful.

So when one of them claims to not like their looks at all, it surprises or rather shocks me, because these were thoughts that were far from my mind

It is the attitude that matters.

When you are happy with yourself and love you for who you are, I believe that it changes a lot and I believe that people can see when you are happy. There will always be people, who are beautiful, sometimes more, sometimes less than you, most of the times they can be the same person, so it does not matter. What is important is that you are at your own best and this would not happen until you start loving yourself and frankly, if you cannot love yourself, you, who knows yourself better than anyone, who can?

I believe everyone is capable of that, they just have to get there.

It is not easy, it takes time and efforts and a lot of patience. But I believe and hope that this will be a state anyone can reach, it is just a matter of time and I wish for this, because there is nothing more beautiful than to love yourself – as long as you don’t go down the Narcisse way, because we all know what happened to him. When you start loving yourself, it is amazing what can happen, because it is everything. Nothing changes much, at least from the outside, but you can still see it.

And there is nothing truly more beautiful than love, right?

It’s a brand new day